The opinions of others matter too much. Their eyes upon you make you self-conscious, weighting every choice beyond what it should weigh.

With all these eyes upon the singles that are dating, it is easy, of course, to be influenced by the opinion of others. But the others have not been spending time with this person you have dated and they don’t really know.

Others can also press young singles toward moving faster than they should or making snap judgments. Yet, choosing someone to marry is a seasoned judgment, made over time, and ultimately only one person lives eternally with that decision-the person involved.

Each of these bad ideas, impact the next, and all of them lead to acting out of fear. You heard fear in the comments I quoted above from some of the young single women in our ward. Stress and anxiety, of course, are just other names for fear. These fears are very natural. These women are in college a brief time where there is a large pool of men to date, and they can hear the clock ticking. They worry that marriage will escape them.

Yet, we learn as we are spiritually striving that decisions and actions motivated by fear are often unhealthy. Fear adds urgency that shouldn’t be there. It molds and distorts us into someone else. It urges us to decisions that are faulty. It inhibits us.

Love trusts that the Lord knows how to do his work in our life. Love makes us friendly to others without the secret calculation about whether we will soon be dating. We know that God is moving us on a journey of growth, and we can feel His love for us now.

Love allows us to be ourselves because we are not afraid that we are imperfect

So here’s my counsel for those who are single. These may be tough to live because the culture will press you other ways when it comes to dating.

1. Be a devoted disciple of Christ before all else. He will shore you up, guide you, help you, fill your bucket when it seems empty.
2. Take time to get to know others of the opposite sex. Be friendly without expectation that somehow you must immediately fru turkisk size each other up for marriage. Everybody needs a friend.
3. Abandon the idea that you are always on the line when you are dating, that you are dating a critic and judge.
4. Be yourself when you are dating, because in reality, you can’t be anybody else and any pretense you put on will eventually be blown anyway.
5. Abandon your checklist and instead be open to the Spirit as you seek to know someone.
6. Seek to replace fear with love, faith and trust.
7. Be willing to accept the Lord’s timing.
8. Don’t look to the gallery of opinion for your dating life. Ultimately, your choice in marriage will be between you and God. No one else, but you will have to live with your decision.
9. Focus your life on good things, seek light, and others will see the spiritual energy this brings you.

Love expands and opens us to others

I have asked young single adult women why they won’t go on a second date with a boy, and they answer because I don’t think I will marry him. That may be clear in some cases where someone doesn’t live the standards you appreciate, but how can you begin to know someone if you have hardly interacted with them? How do you know what they really think or the depths of their soul?

Others in single wards, roommates, friends all have opinions on dating in general and whom you are dating in particular. A young single woman goes on a date and all her roommates want every particular. They want to know what she thought. They have opinions about the young man. He is too this or too that. Was he interested enough? Every date becomes a topic of discussion.